You sent Product those customer insights three weeks ago. They said “This is incredibly helpful, thank you.”
Now you need their input on messaging for the new product launch. Your Teams message sits, unanswered. Or worse: “Let me get back to you.” They never do.
Your deposits disappeared. You’re starting from zero in building a respecful relationship again.
Why does this keep happening?
The answer starts with a behavioral anomoly that you probably use regularly in your marketing strategy.
The Behavioral Anomoly
Researchers examined the prescribing behavior of 279,669 physicians and found that even a less than $20 meal were correlated with more brand-name prescriptions. Even a single chee[ meal could change behavior (Neuroscience Marketing).
Think about that. A $20 linch changed how doctors prescribed medication worth tens of thousands of dollars in revenue.
No doctor would intentionally be influenced by a slice or two of pizza, nor would such a link even be rational. This is a non-conscience effect.
You already know how this works. As marketers, we use reciprocity every single day. free trials before the purchase. Educational webinars with no pitch. Downloadable templates and guides. We offer value first, hoping customers will pick our product or service in return.
We know this works with customers. The data proves it. As Roger Dooley notes, “There’s a massive amount of both scientific and commercial data that show reciprocity increased your influence and persuasiveness.”(Neuroscience Marketing)
And yes, some marketers try this interdepartmentally too. You help Product, You support Sales, You send insights to Finance.
But it’s not working. Here’s why.
You’re Doing Reciprocity Wrong
Problem 1: Hope isn’t a strategy
You”re giving without tracking whether it creates the obligation you need. You help when asked and hope people remember. That’s not strategic reciprocity. That’s just being helpful and crossing your fingers.
Problem 2: You’re not recognizing the unequal exchange.
Roger Dooley points out that “the benefits to each side can be profoundly unequal.”(Neuroscience Marketing). A $20 lunch influenced $50,000 in prescriptions. Your customer insigh email could influence whether your’e included in a million-dollar strategic decision.
The stakes are wildly unequal. Which means small, strategic deposits can have massive returns.
But only if you approach this like a scientist.
The Scientific Approach
Think like a researcher, not a helper.
You invest. Did you see a return? No? Test something different.
Questions to ask:
- What did I give?
- Who did I give it to?
- Did they acknowledge it?
- Did the relationship shift?
- Did I get included in something I wouldn’t have been otherwise?
Track results. Adjust based on data.
Here is where it gets interesting.
Research from restaurant stufies shows that if the gift is doubled (two mints instead of one), the tip doesn’t double as you might expect. It quadruples. But the most effective approach? If the waiter leaves one mint, walks away then returns and says, “for you nice people, here’s an extra mint,” tips increase by 23%. (Joanna Parsons)
Two persuasion mechanisms at work:
First: Targeting. “For you nice people” signals that this isn’t generic. It’s personalized to them specifically.
Second: Effortful return. The waiter walked away, then came back. That extra effort signals thoughtfulness, not transition.
What this means for you:
Instead of one big “helpful” gesture, break it into 2-3 smaller deposits over time. And make each one feel tailored to them, not like something you’d send to anyone.
Not this: Send a comprehensive competitive analysis once.
This:
- Week 1: Quick insight on one competitor’s pricing change(with a note: “Thought you’d want this before your planning meeting”)
- Week 2: Customer quote mentioning that competitor (sent because you know they’re updating positioning)
- Week 3: Data on how it’s affecting deal velocity (timed to when they’re building their quarterly forecast)
Each deposit reinforces the last. The obligation compounds and the personalization signals that you’re paying attention to their world and not just broadcasting from yours.
The other critical finding: The unexpected gift works better than the expected one.
“Here’s the weekly report you asked for” = expected (minimal reciprocity)
“Saw this in the data and through you’d want to know before your board meeting” = unexpected (maximum reciprocity)
What to Say When They Thank YOu
Most of us do this wrong, myself included. Someone thanks us we say “Oh, no problem” or “Happy to help.”
We’re waving away our persuasive power.
In a Harvard Business Review interview, Dr. Cialdini explains: “Get in the habit of helping people our, and — this part’s really important — don’t wave it away when people thank you. Don’t say, ‘Oh, no big deal.’ We’re given serious persuasive power immediately after someone thanks us. So say something like ‘Of course; it’s what partners do for each other’ — label what happened an act of partnership.”
The script:
Them: “This is reallly helpful, thank you”
Not this, “No problem!”
This: “Of course. It’s what partners do for each other.”
Or: ” Absolutely, We’re on the same team.”
You’re labeling the relationship. Defining it as reciprocal. Creating the frame for future exchanges.
Your Experiment This Week
Step 1: Pick ONE stakeholder who bypasses or doesn’t respond to you
- The person whose support would make the biggest difference
- Someone you’ll need something from in the next 30-60 days
Step 2: Identify one problem THEY’RE facing (not a marketing problem)
- What are they trying to accomplish this quarter?
- What information do they need that you have access to?
- What keeps coming up in their meetings?
Step 3: Give them 2-3 small deposits over the next two weeks
- Deposit 1: (This week): One quick, valuable insight
- Deposit 2: (Next week): Related data point or example
- Deposit 3: (Week 3, if needed)L Third small piece that reinforced the value
Format: Quick email, Teams message, one-pager
Language: “Thought you’d want to see this before [their specific upcoming thing]”
Critical: No ask attached. Just value. And make it clear you tailored this to them.
Step 4: When they say thank you, use the partnership label
“Of course, it’s what partners do for each other.”
Step 5: Document everything
- What did you give?
- How did they respond?
- Did you notice ANY shift in how they interact with you?
You’re a scientist running an experiment. Track results and adjust based on data.
The Ethical Boundary
“First Rule of Fight Club, We don’t talk about Fight Club” Same applies here. Reciprocity creates natural obligation. You can’t demand it. You can’t say “I helped you, so you have to help me.” That destroys the mechanism.
Deep down this is about creating a mutually beneficial relationship. If the relationship doesn’t shift after multiple deposits, that’s data. They are telling you this relationship doesn’t work this way. Invest differently or elsewhere.
When you go first strategically and Market Your Marketing with the same reciprocity principles you use on customers, you are building currency that compounds over time.
Research confirms reciprocity is the most universally effective persuasion principle across all personality types and context.
You aren’t just being helpful, you are becoming essential.
Next week: Why your VP of Product won’t let you in the front door—and the side entrance technique that gets you in anyway. The liking principle, explained for marketers who need a side entrance.
This is Part 2 of a 9-part series applying Dr. Robert Cialdini’s persuasion principles to internal marketing challenges. Part 1 introduced the influence gap and why traditional advice fails.
Elizabeth Humphries helps internal marketers prove their value, gain stakeholder buy-in, and work strategically—not just harder. Follow for practical frameworks that elevate marketing from execution to influence.
Primary Sources Cited in Text:
- Dooley, R. (2016). “Reciprocity Power: A Study That May Shock You.” Neuromarketing
https://www.neurosciencemarketing.com/blog/articles/remarkable-reciprocity.htm
Used for: Doctor/prescription study (279,669 physicians); “benefits can be profoundly unequal” quote; scientific and commercial data on reciprocity - “Influence stakeholders using the reciprocity principle” (2023). The Curious Route
https://www.thecuriousroute.com/post/influence-stakeholders-using-the-reciprocity-principle
Used for: Restaurant mint study (tips quadruple with two mints; 23% increase with “extra mint” technique) - Cialdini, R. B. (2013). “The Uses (and Abuses) of Influence.” Harvard Business Review
https://hbr.org/2013/07/the-uses-and-abuses-of-influence
Used for: Partnership labeling technique; “don’t wave it away when people thank you” quote - “Users’ Responsiveness to Persuasive Techniques in Recommender Systems” (2021). PMC/National Library of Medicine
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8297385/
Used for: Reciprocity as most universally effective principle across all personality types and contexts
